Category: Random Author Babble

February 2

The Beautiful, Unpredictable Phenomenon of Bitching

So yesterday I finally went into all the frustrating reasons shit just isn’t working with the rewrite, aka, I couldn’t find my motivation. But hey, once breaking it down, acknowledging that I’m bored–so fucking bored rewriting this book that was done what, 2 years ago now–I woke up today not as blocked.

The psyche is a strange, mysterious, sometimes predictable place. Sometimes there’s just something inside that wants to be heard. It doesn’t have to be an important damn message (I’m bored!) but it’s important to actually hear it. Because when you don’t hear it, the psyche holds you back, it drags you down, demanding attention like a squeaky cat again and again until you finally just stop what you’re doing and face it (or go into some sort of crazed rage.)

Bitching and ranting is an important part of being human, and damn, the Internet has made that fucking difficult. Because you can’t just bitch on the Internet like you’re talking to yourself. No, people show up and either judge, or agree, or want to fight you on your totally irrational opinion because all shit born out of emotions is beautifully irrational and it’s just a mess. Most people write shit down to understand what they’re thinking, but when you read words in front of you–even words you didn’t write–they become personal messages specifically to each and every reader who shows up, and their reactions can be big.

I should probably write stuff in a little journal or something, but I feel like it would defeat the purpose of letting everyone know I’m still alive. Alive and kinda bored because I want to get back to writing dirty porn instead of this very fun, interesting, crazy shifter love story of characters I absolutely adore. I know, it’s irrational, yet it’s true. Doing the same damn thing every day is redundant and my brain is fighting for freedom.

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February 1

Finding Motivation During A Difficult Rewrite

I’m realizing it’s a reward problem. Maybe a bit of an unwillingness to accept reality problem as well, but at the core, motivation is lacking atm because of how difficult it is to feel rewarded by the work of rewriting.

Normally, I see writing a book to have these specific rewards that push motivation:

1) Problem solving. This is probably one of my favorite rewards. It’s quick, full of energy, and life consuming to spend a week or two drafting a novel, finding all those plot and emotional points and connecting it to the story arcs to make it all work. I love the challenge of outlining a book, finding all the problems, and then getting that satisfying reward of solving those problems with nothing in the way. It’s a high like none other and is probably part of the problem as to why I’ve been writing more complicated plots. I keep seeking the same reward pattern, but the limit is pushed by how used to the task I become. If it’s not a challenge, I don’t get the same rush of reward to solve the problem (hence why I don’t bother with Sudoku anymore. The pattern is too obvious to reach the solution and it’s not a challenge, just grunt labor when you realize it.)

2) Watching characters and the world form. This is what gets me through a lot of the grunt labor of writing. It is not a rush, but a constant, mild sense of accomplishment when I read back what I’ve written and see the ideas I initially had are taking shape and forming a story that others can enjoy. It’s the satisfaction of knowing I as a writer am conveying the ideas entertainingly, even if it’s time consuming. This is what it means to be a crafter and appreciate each detail to the point of a trance, even if it’s not necessarily interesting to reread and rewrite the same scene again and again until it’s done. Thankfully, you can spice this part up with bursts of inspiration, but only if you’re doing the work to show up for this part of the job every single day. If you don’t show up, you can’t find the energy.

3) Finishing a book. Seriously, I think half the joy of this is realizing I can finally stop all the work and get back to the idea stage again. This place is an amazing place to be. It is euphoria (until you realize all the work ahead of you to get that book formatted, promoted and sold because, hey, self publisher here.) But finally being DONE is such a freaking rush. I think this is what really pushed me to write in a serial format for so long. I could finish an episode and be done, publish, and move on to something else. And then, when I came back, it was fresh again, bright and alive instead of being trapped in the middle of the drudgery of grunt writing.

Rewriting is being trapped in fleshing out the world after all the problems are solved. It’s editing, but without the reward of having the book done when you’re done, because editing is still waiting. So what I’ve been doing to spice things up is to add those creative bursts, get something in there to inspire me. Complicate the plot a bit more to inspire me to push forward with more problems to solve. But those techniques also lead to me being trapped in this place longer, because each individual problem in a story must be solved or at least resolved before you hit the end. Even in serial format, you can’t have too many plot cliffhangers or the book doesn’t feel like it’s a satisfying installment, but a total tease of leading readers on. It means more work and focus to ensure what you’re creating isn’t just a begining, but a complete story.

And I’m extra trapped here because of the commitment. Because the rewrite is required before I’m allowed to publish the second book. There is this fear to step away from the rewrite is to ensure I’m never going to return and finish this shit. I’m a creative. I chase the high of inspiration and problem solving. Grunt writing is capable of draining all the happiness out of anyone like that. It can feel like pointless busy work. So when you know yourself, have a track record of putting off the things that bore you compared to the things that challenge and spark your creativity, you understand how your very nature works against you when distractions look so shiny and interesting.

What if I wrote a book about a serial killer who makes his first move during the worst cold front to hit a country in over 50 years? All his victims look like natural causes from the cold when otherwise people would be wondering, seeking a pattern as to why so many healthy individuals were dropping dead in one area at once. What if it was through the eyes of a family member who knows that their loved one never would have left the house–they were agoraphobic–and while they’re trying to convince the police that something terrible is behind all these deaths, they too become a target to this madman who decides it’s much more interesting to stalk the person paying attention, littering their land with his freshest victims? And now the police are wondering if there is a pattern, but they already have a culprit, the desperate, seemingly crazy person who keeps insisting that there is a killer out there. Is it to warn the town and save everyone, or is this someone who is just projecting their own crimes while looking for a thrill to share how they got away with all those murders?

It’s new to my brain. It’s sexy and enticing because it’s new. A hot love affair with a story plot that I wouldn’t even look twice at normally, except I’m trapped in a boring relationship with my current rewrite. But the guilt! The guilt cripples just as much. I want to focus on another story when I have a commitment to my current novel? You think I’ll get anything done now? No, I’d be frozen, frustrated, and nothing would be written at all.

Ideas are sexy, brilliant little flames in the head promising immediate reward. The serial format has been the closest thing I’ve come up with to solve this problem, where you can have those bursts of inspiration that will power you through a 10-30,000 word episode, but the longer it takes, the harder it is to keep the energy. And it requires something to jump to to keep the mind engaged. Sometimes you find yourself working on the same project so long, you don’t want to look at the damn thing for a few months, so you need multiple stories to jump to. And then, suddenly, you realize you have ?!? many series half written and you gotta finish something, and dear fuck, when did writing become adulting!

I might need a cheering squad to see me through to the end. I have worked hard to cultivate my creativity and motivation from within (and I am still seeking solutions) but sometimes when you feel stuck in something for so long, it’s hard to even get up the energy to push through. This is why I keep looking at hiring content writers. I know my strengths and I see my limits. And although I always believe it’s important to focus on making your limits into strengths, sometimes we’re just limited human beings and it’s better to seek a creative, innovative solution. But I’m in the middle of this commitment to this novel, and I can’t even allow myself to fully look at other solutions at the moment because it pulls my mind away.

Ah, my love affairs with thoughts. My mind is a slut, no doubt about it, and the problem is guilt more than anything else. If I didn’t feel guilty, I’d have forged toward a solution, but no, guilt is a familiar cage.

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February 1

So it’s not Monday?

I apparently spent all of yesterday thinking it was Monday. Missed my allergy shot and everything. @_@ Mild fever but I feel like that level of delusion doesn’t quite match…

Not that days of the week mean anything. Fuck, neither do years. It’s all arbitrary concepts to pretend we have a point of reference in the vast void of time and space and mortality. But, you know, sanity is based off of this meaningless stuff and I’m apparently days ahead or behind.

I’ve been hearing about so many dying in this cold snap. Polar vortex–nifty name for something wiping people out. And it’s young people, people in houses whose heater broke, people who ended up in car crashes and died from the cold instead of their injuries. I hope everyone has a warm bed or couch tonight. Stay warm, babes.

I’m so grateful I don’t need to sleep in the car anymore from the chemical sensitivity. I was passing the Walmart parking lot I used to sleep at, and all I could think was those truckers and RV’ers and homeless living in their cars might not make it if they run out of fuel to heat them–and we’re not even dealing with the worst. The temp is -4 F here atm, and that’s nothing compared to other parts of the world dealing with -30, -40 and -50. There are entire towns asking their homeowners not to overload the grid by putting their heat up too high, or they all might end up freezing if they lose power.

What a sharp knife of reality the weather wields. It’s hard to get caught up in petty bullshit when our playing field turns deadly. But then, that’s people. They can be petty over anything. >_>

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January 31

Integration <3

Apparently you can display blog posts on main pages with the right plugin. You can also decide by which category, date, etc, of what you want on the page. This feels like a solution to the whole comment issue. Just link certain blog posts on certain pages and if I delete the wrong page by mistake, the original blog post still remains, safe and sound.

The blog so far has been limited to the Newsletter. I’ve basically ignored it otherwise. I kinda have this habit of going through and deleting old shit after a year–Nothing I say actually has importance, just rambles in the cyber world. So, let’s try something a little more constructive.

In other randomness… Has anyone see Happy! On Netflix with Christopher Meloni? I just caught the first bloody, beautiful episode. Think this is love, babes. XD

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January 31

City Howls and dealing with limits

I found myself looking at City Howls to prep it for new writing with outlining, brainstorming, etc. I found problems, the same kind of problems in Demon Arms. All I do is bitch about how I didn’t realize how fucked my brain was when living in mold. Right now, I’m frustrated I just can’t go back.

If I didn’t have the new perspective, I wouldn’t give a fuck. Good enough would literally be good enough in my mind. It was then. The problem is, how I’m writing now is the only way I know how to write. My brain changed, it can’t go back, and I’m left frustrated at my new pace which requires time, dedication, and a willingness to tear up all the old shit and do the work. Hence, it feels like work and not fun.

I gotta fix my perspective on this stuff. I gotta find the fun.

The biggest issues with City Howls I can see are:

1) the moldy brain made it difficult to visualize scenes, led to a dump of exposition, while at the same time failed to explain concepts well enough and also made the action lag. I want to show how Sage is a thief, how his dreams are messed up, how his brother is violently abusive instead of the info dump of it all. Finding out how his parents die should be pivotal, not a one liner in a paragraph of exposition. I don’t know why my old style was about creating all the character background and just dumping it in the first scene but it requires me to clean it all up and start fresh.

2) I tried to work with the censorship. You couldn’t find the first book on a mainstream platform because of the beast content, so I tried to make episodes 2 and 3 platform friendly. I intentionally wrote less titillating content to conform, and I’m kinda disgusted when I think about it. Seriously, fuck censorship. These books were supposed to be a total dark fuck fest and I held back and grew bored with the series because of it. How fucking exhausting to sit down to write something fun, only to change it because you’re terrified of having your book banned and livelihood lost. It’s bullshit.

So this is the shit I want to remedy when I continue this series. The beginning paces too slowly because of the exposition, and everything needs a more visual, in the scene feel. And I want to push those limits I inadvertently made because of the censors. More taboo, more fun, less stupid safe boring ass bullshit.

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January 30

Library updated!

Okay, so I’ve been thinking a lot about the subscription site, what it’s all about, what direction I want it to go, how to help it grow, etc, along with my limitations lately. The library is now arranged with one main purpose: to ensure taboo stories are written. Specifically sexual slavery, incest, beast, and shota.

I think partly, I need to be brutally fucking honest with myself and just admit that although I love the PATB series, working on it alone has become boring, and it’s partially why I’ve lost speed and energy. Rewrites and editing are a different part of the writing process, and when I’m in this place too long, I suffer, the writing suffers, and it’s just not great overall. But I have pushed myself to continue what I’m doing because of a previous plan–one that’s pretty damn smart when I can keep my speed going.

My intention after I published Hellcat in March of 2018 was very straightforward. Finish Shiny Thief and rewrite Demon Arms to match the style to 1) publish 2 amazing books that I have strong stats will do well in the mainstream gay genre on Amazon, and 2) promote the PATB books as my signature series to attract people back to the website. It’s a great idea, one I felt would solve a big problem.

Hellcat was a great success and offered something a lot of readers haven’t had: kinky, erotic content mixed with a wild plot and story. But Hellcat was crippled in the erotica arena because of the way Amazon prevented advertising and refused to link it in the ‘also bought’ section of gay genre books. Realizing Hellcat was trapped in erotica felt like such a kick in the head when it hadn’t been designed to compete in that genre, but to instead heat up the more plot oriented gay stories. I couldn’t risk spending half a year writing a book that wouldn’t be seen, so I turned my attention to making PATB as desirable as possible in the gay genre.

So, what changed to make that idea not viable with my current situation? I went exclusive with the website. I never thought I would. It felt too daring. Lock my books up behind a paywall that can only be reached by joining my subscription site? Yeah, terrifying when I started this book game with the understanding that exposure on Amazon was the best (possibly only) way to make money. But I took the leap, and 4 months ago, I pulled all my books but 9 (Hellcat, Bullying Teacher, the original Demon Arms, and the Demon Bonded books) from every platform and kept them exclusive on my website. It was a gamble that paid off.

I haven’t been doing any new advertising or promoting or marketing; I haven’t been doing much of anything besides writing my ass off as of late, but I continue to see greater and greater traffic to the website with far more consistent, stable income than the Amazon ranking game. I have to adapt to that. I have to change my strategy and reward those readers who show up to give them incentives to stay. AKA, I gotta write something more than PATB.

The taboo content has stagnated since Hellcat and I need to make plans to ensure it is the greatest focus. It was everything I was as a writer until I realized Demon Arms had hit a market that was ravenous for more. I forgot my own fucking brand as a writer. The censorship happening on Amazon had changed my writing in ways I hadn’t noticed until looking back and realizing how I’ve been avoiding taboo for fear it would be banned. I avoided pushing limits even when writing taboo out of habit because in the back of my mind I associated it with losing my income. But the subscription site allows me to write the most dirty as fuck stories with only rewards to gain instead of the bullshit from other platforms. Going exclusive proved taboo was viable when censorship isn’t involved, and I want to see how far I can build this.

PATB will continue to be written and made ready for publishing, but it will now be second in line instead of the only focus. I’ve made a breakdown by word count of my fics and where they rank in taboo content, which you can find on the bottom of the library page. This is to help me focus on ensuring taboo isn’t neglected in the future and to promise readers that it’s being noticed. I’m still in the planning stages of what taboo story/series to continue next. I’ll be linking the comment sections into current wips in the future, to ensure I can get member feedback to see what readers want. I like the pretty, organized format of the website, but it refuses to work with the comment plugin and I feel like I’m in the dark about what readers want.

As for now, I need to get back to the Demon Arms rewrite this week, but I’m hoping to have things hit the next stage sometime in February. I’m doing good, babes, health wise. I might be slow to get started–my brain has some adapting to do to change to more than one story at a time–but it’s worth reaching that place. I haven’t given up on hiring content writers in the future, but for now it’s important to test that this is the content readers are looking for before I have to organize a new system around it.

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January 27

I miss writing porn :/

Seriously, when the fuck did everything become so serious? I miss my short fuck fics. PATB has taken over my damn life and there is no fucking, well, fucking! Why can’t I multitask? That used to be my damn thing. Multiple stories just to keep me sane–and I knew I needed it to keep me sane. Just, my brain broke from the damn mold and low dopamine, and when everything was repaired, I became this one circuit human who could only do a task at a time. Apparently very fucking slowly at that. Ugh.

I want my fun back. @_@ I can’t remember the last time I even wrote the word cock. There is not enough dick in my writing!

*sigh* I’ve missed ranting too. And writing completely inappropriate things that people fear going to prison over. I need my edge back. I’m losing my damn mind to all this adulting bullshit. I gotta figure this out. It’s like I’m starving a part of myself and it’s spilling into other aspects of my life.

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January 25

Insanity…

I would have to be a complete insane person to want my life to fit into predictable patterns when every day is a random occurrence, and yet, there I go, expecting the impossible and frustrated when it doesn’t occur.

My immune system is doing ‘a thing,’ and it sucks, and why can’t I just not be sick, yeah? Even though my norm has been to be sick for years, I have already decided being sick at all is unnatural and shouldn’t happen and ignored all my damn limits once again. Brilliant, yeah? Self delusion takes a certain amount of skill.

My fevers aren’t fun this time around with fuzzy happiness. I’ve just been bitchy and grumpy and sleepy… Like those seven dwarves, but, you know, BITCHY! And itchy, actually. The allergies are flaring with the immune response. I wish my body would just chill already.

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January 23

Fever

I have a fever. It might explain a few things…

I was thinking about evolution and how humans just, well, don’t. We don’t evolve physically but instead adapt the world around us. We’re working with the same genetic hardware and mental software our ancestors have had for thousands of years. The only thing that has really changed is our systems. That’s what humans are all about. We create language and we store knowledge. With that knowledge we build systems, some as small as creating a recipe to make a meal, others as big as creating a global business or dividing our days into a calendar and the globe into time zones.

You could likely pluck a human being up from 5000 years ago and drop him in our world, and as long as he utilized our language and educational system, he would fit in and adapt. But, in the same sense, take those systems away from a developing child and you could watch a process so similar to de-evolution like in the case of Helen Keller. She had all the cognitive software available, but her hardware was broken and it prevented her from getting those language and educational inputs. Once she did get access to them, she became as ‘evolved’ as the next person.

It’s fascinating to me. I’ve been watching ‘Horrible Histories’ and I just keep thinking how those atrocious behaviors happened not long ago. Not long at all. Humanity has a consistent history of violence, slavery, war, and oppression mixed in with innovation. We are currently facing a giant environmental crisis because we had these amazing innovations of technology that created systems–because humans build systems–but these systems are destroying the environment. They destroy ecosystems for farming, oceans for fishing, forests for paper and houses, water sources and ground stability for fossil fuels. Sometimes it feels like we have all been plucked up from the past and placed into this world where we are surrounded by all these systems from government to manufacturing to basic society, and instead of questioning it all, asking what’s the point and trying to avoid the danger, we just go along with the flow learning it all. Because that’s something very human too.

These systems wouldn’t become so overarching and widespread so quickly if we as a species didn’t immediately accept them. We accept the newest phone the same way we accept using plastic bags that are clogging up the oceans. You would think it would make it easy to change a system, but innovation seems slow and rarely accepted while the familiar but slightly different is far more quickly accepted. The new phone with ‘better’ camera instead of trying to solve the packaging crisis that is filling our landfills. The society change of fashion instead of deciding imprisoning people over debt is inhumane and pointless. How many different types of tooth brushes were ‘innovated’ before someone came around with the idea of a waterpick? How many room sized computers before the idea of a microchip? It’s the difference of wandering around searching for food, getting better and more efficient at hunting, before one brilliant idea said to stop and farm some land.

Innovation is humanity’s evolution. It can strike, but before systems were created to speed the implementation of such innovation, there was rare ability to have that innovation spread. In the past, governments were an ideal way to spread innovation. It’s why monarchies were both so damaging when they were destructive, and uplifting when they brought positive change; they were a system in place that could change things quickly depending on the mind in charge. The same with religion–depending on what ideology was passed around, you could be praising some invisible deity one day and murdering ‘witches’ and going to war the next. Governments, when not broken, can bring change immediately, but many are full of people who are mentally living decades in the past.

It also makes me wonder: what would evolution really look like for humans if it occurred in our bodies or minds? Would it be something that gets us through this current crisis, such as bodies that can cleanse the chemicals and toxins now spread throughout every inch of soil from worldwide industry? Evolution is more a lottery than a design; some designs last better while others die out or manage to survive even with the flaws because of other factors. Our current design has gotten us to a point where we can create systems so large that they can destroy the very planet we live on, such as nuclear power or climate change. It also lets us cope with that knowledge by allowing us to block it out, to walk certain on solid ground when we know atoms have so much empty space. We create systems of entertainment to hide away from reality, systems of religion to tell ourselves that death isn’t real and this chaos of life has meaning. We can pick a topic, any topic, and argue for hours with total strangers on the Internet while there are people on this globe facing starvation, dehydration, genocide, oppression and pain.

We are so very smart, and yet, still so damn ignorant.

I realized when I was a teenager that I was joining a world that belonged to generations before me. A world with old ideas that didn’t come from me, didn’t come from my peers or my family, but from people long dead. Humanity is good like that, recycling old ideas again and again with concepts like tradition to reinforce. But they were bad ideas, like women were weak, that money was more important than life, that a job will provide if you are loyal when already jobs were proving the opposite, that an imaginary deity made it okay to be hateful to minorities. We’re living in a world built by the past, a corpse of buildings and dying ideas, trying to follow rules that don’t relate to current situations, and I’m not sure why no one else seems to notice.

Our houses cost too much while there are 6 times the amount of empty houses in America than there are homeless people. Our laws are mostly bigoted with the intent to imprison black people and make rich people safe from the poor. Religion has completely corrupted the American system of government on all levels and is pushing inequality among the genders in the hopes of oppressing women down to their uteruses while also pushing bigoted ideas against minorities. The high school educational system teaches nothing of value when it comes to living in a world where you must work to survive, while less than 70% of students go to college. And college has little to teach of actual work unless you have a career field selected, but still many students experience burn out and fatigue learning things that will have no actual value in their lives–seriously. Many courses are of information that isn’t needed but is required, which you must pay for, and the course load is damaging. Add in the fact that many students deal with paying off student loans for their useless education long into their adult lives while those who never went to college face being shamed in a society who demands degrees for minimum wage jobs.

It’s broken system after broken system and instead of fixing it, or some responsible mind just showing up and saying let’s fix this! people keep doing the same thing, feeding the broken system, showing up to deport citizens because it’s easier to blame a broken system while getting that paycheck instead of questioning and changing something that no one seems to know how to fix. Are the modes of change gone from these broken systems or is it really just no one will be responsible for them from the mob rule apathy once a group of people are involved?

That’s a thing, btw, very interesting to watch. You can observe it in yourself too. The moment an individual sees something that requires action–be it a dog runs into the street, or someone cries for help, or even a piece of trash on the ground–they will be apt to act. Impulse, instinct, morality, etc. But if that individual is in a group, or is joined by a group, suddenly they find themselves waiting for someone else to act, to take responsibility, to fix the problem or give them permission to not act. This is a genetic software thing. I don’t know if it’s a fear to stand out, or sudden apathy, or even politeness. It’s bizarre but it happens all the time. Humans in group settings can be less proactive because of the group, while alone they might sail forward without a doubt in the world. What a terrifying reality when you apply it to congress, huh?

Humans are dragging old genetic software with them into the modern world like tribalism, PTSD, compartmentalizing, and drone like behavior while facing a global environmental crisis of their own creation. And what do they do? Well, in America, they bitch about a wall while imprisoning children at the border and claim how safe they’re making their country.

I wonder if there will be a future where they can have a Horrible Histories of this time and just how will it compare to all those witch burnings, genocides, and slavery of the past? We as a species have pushed our evolution outside of our bodies and into something as intangible as knowledge and language to build the systems we live in all around us. It gives us great flexibility and removes so many limits. Will we be able to rise above our own genetic software, or will our current evolutionary design prove to be too flawed to improve upon?

A Mote In God’s Eye was a fucking amazing book, and this mindset totally reminds me of it.

I have rambled enough, I think, babes. Fevers tend to do it to me. Night. ^.^

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January 22

It’s fucking cold!

I am so grateful to have gotten that multiple chemical sensitivity mess sorted out before winter. Living out of the car is doable during the summer, but with it being between -3 and 5 degrees the last few days, I’m so glad that I have a bed and blankets topped with cats to snuggle under. I hope people are warm and safe and happy.

When I was going through condensing the stories into events instead of scenes, I found myself skimming through a few wondering when I was going to be able to finish those fanfics. Intangible literally has only 4-5 scenes left until it’s done and I totally miss the Wayward Dragon and Sleeping Dogs fics. I don’t know why I was so blocked to finish Intangible… I think it was a negative comment I got when I posted it on a different website, and it just took the fun out of it for me. That could actually be why I don’t do comments much on this website. I like to think I can weather criticism, but there’s this little creative spirit inside me that just doesn’t want to play when people start talking shit about what I’m making, you know? Like, I just don’t want the battle over something that’s supposed to be fun. Let them complain or criticize elsewhere about my choices for the characters but in a place I don’t have to see. I think my best answer was to avoid it completely to ensure I wouldn’t get blocked like that again.

It can be overwhelming, answering comments. Even the positive ones demand from me, as weird as that may sound. I get stuck feeling like I need to say the right thing, or something creative, engaging, genuine–anything–back. When I was big into making digital art, it was one of the hardest things for me then, too. I had a few images blow up from getting daily deviations on DA and I dunno, it can feel like this overwhelming obligation to converse like a normal, reasonable human being when I just want to be quiet (and unreasonable. XD) My inbox would get full, and responding would feel like a job, a mountain to catch up on instead of conversation.

I’m glad to say that hasn’t been a problem as a writer–I’m prompt for the most part and nothing has gotten mountain size (thank fuck,) but sometimes it’s still pressure to feel, well, interesting. (How to be genuine and interesting? Don’t be me. XD) Then there are days where comments are like a happy drug of getting to know people, connecting, sharing and having amazing ideas grow around these stories I love so much. I guess my mood is the deciding factor (that unreasonable thing) in all this. Manic depressive conversational skills. Hmm… sounds right.

On a less weird but just as random topic, I’m mid scene of Fox leaping about a hundred feet in the air in his fox form, where he then shifts back to human mid air and grabs onto the hands of the guy ballsy enough to catch him before he can go tumbling to the ground. I really want to find ways to ‘show’ what it is to be a shifter. I feel like I neglected that a lot in Demon Arms. Sure, I said shifters were stronger than humans, but explaining verses having a flying Fox are two totally different things.

Fox breakdances, btw. It never came up, but it’s totally his thing. 😉

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